Urotsukidoji II: The Legend Of The Demon Womb - by Liam R
Chapter One
(Before we get into the main review, I have to make a small point: This film isn’t a direct sequel to Doji 1. In fact it’s an inter-quel, if you will, as it takes place at some undetermined point between Ozaki dying and Nagumo taking on Niki - exactly when is unclear. As you’ll see by the end, the events here really do affect Nagumo, Megumi and Amano, but they make no reference to them at all, which leads me to the logical conclusion that Maeda is a dumbass and threw this together to introduce just one character – Muhnihausen – and the concept of the Evil King, but I’ll tear apart the illogical plot holes at the end. So if you want to experience Doji choronologically, stop the first film after the hospital is destroyed, watch this one and then watch the end of number one.)
We start the movie with a painting of a near-naked woman, which is painted on the side of an American WW2 Bomber a la ‘Memphis Belle’, but this woman has wings like a demon because this is Toshio Maeda after all. The crew seems to be lost and have no radio contact with base and being the brave men they are fly directly into a thunderstorm. Ladies and gentlemen, logic has left the building within thirty seconds of the film starting.
We cut to a long shot of a building named as the HQ of the Vrill Association which is apparently located in a leafy suburb of Berlin, and in the basement of this building we find the NAZI SEX RAPE DEATH MACHINE, which is pretty much the only thing anyone who ever watches this will remember the film by. For those that haven’t seen it, it has two vaguely penis-shaped towers and twelve naked women strapped to out-stretched arms protruding from the base. Some sinister Nazis cock their weapons around the machine and HITLER (yes that Hitler) orders Munhihausen (their spelling not mine, which is probably wrong but I’ll go with it) to start the machine and summon ‘Odin’ or something.
The requisite mad scientist, with a plastic face and bug eyes to really ram home the point that yes, he is a mad scientist curses Hitler for not understanding the power of the NAZI SEX RAPE DEATH MACHINE and orders his son to start it up. The MACHINE immediately attacks the women with objects which are probably ten inches long and vaguely penis-shaped, but we are luckily spared that particular visual.
Unfortunately after the machine overloads after it has drained the blood and SEX ENERGY of the women and starts blowing itself up. The women then blow up and a big lizard demon appears from the ceiling, leading to this quote from Munhihausen:
“He has arrived, the evil king!”
Albeit in a squeaky, trying-to-sound-evil voice. The Nazi’s try and kill it, Hitler calls Munhi a twat and gets his henchmen to kill the nutter in front of his son (Munhi Jr).
Meanwhile in the skies above Berlin, those brave bombers are disintegrating, but their bomb bay doors open BY MAGIC and blow shit up including the HQ, yet Munhi Jr and Hitler both escape (though Hitler doesn’t make another appearance in the film thank fuck, like I need another reason to hate this) and Munhi takes a glimpse into the bowels of hell..
We warp to the future and a sinister human in a ridiculously bad cape and a really bad Arnold Schwarzenegger impression attempts to summon a demon named Kohoki, and “offers him a feast”. The feast turns out to be, and you really won’t believe this, but a fourteen year old girl! I’m not saying that just to be controversial, but that’s really how old she’s been drawn to look like.
I had something to say but as you can see it would only be redundant
See what I fucking mean???
Munhi throws her off the antenna he’s standing on and seemingly let’s her plunge to her death, but have no fear, Kohoki’s here! First the demon rips her clothes off without appearing, his arms and body come through the windows of the skyscraper and then his penis (which is actually three penises rolled into one) RAPES her underage body but again we are lucky to be spared that nasty little visual. Kohoki and Muhni flirt a little before Muhni tries to make Kohoki his bitch as the German mentalist has a plan to kill the Overfiend. Kohoki points out the obvious flaws in the plan i.e. certain death, but Muhni is a stubborn little bitch and demands that if Kohoki doesn’t help him he’ll send the demon back to hell (which hell is that then? The one where there are no underage girls to rape?). Kohoki concedes, like a little pussy, all within the first seven minutes of the film!
We go to the Man Beast world where an entire tribe of Kurokos (kill me now, though I fail to see how Kurokos, little imps with cocks, are either Man, Beast or both) have kidnapped Amano (who’s voice has also mysteriously been changed) because some fucked up shit is going down. Kohoki (though not named or even shown) attacks the ‘Old Guardian’ at some sort of bizarre shrine. Kuroko helpfully explains that it’s 4000 years old or 1000 years older than the Legend Of The Overfiend but doesn’t actually explain what it, you know, says. Just as Amano is about to go batshit on the little fucks, his girlfriend kidnaps him and demands fucking. Amano, having failed to get laid and possibly still turned on by the teacher-raping from the previous movie, decides that he’d rather fuck and puts Kuroko and Megumi in charge of watching Nagumo.
Just another normal day in, wait, where the fuck are they again? Didn't someone just die?
Away to the airport we go as Nagumo’s (who’s still wearing the GAYEST OUTFIT EVER!) cousin Takeaki flies in to see that lecherous waste of space. Something bizarre happens though as the plane’s engine blows up. The co-pilot mentions this to the captain, who explodes in a mass of slithering tentacles. Takeaki, perhaps suspicious at seeing the engine explode, looks out to see a demon on the wing who looks awfully like Kohoki. I call shenanigans on this crap, but in the plane the tentacle captain rushes through the plane absorbing everyone on board including poor Takeaki’s parents who rot away in his hands. Nice. Eventually the plane nosedives onto the runway and Takeaki miraculously survives.
This is normal, compared to the rest of this junk that is
Megumi smells that it may be the Demon world involved (though judging by how horny she gets all the time, it could just be her unsatisfied snatch) and Nagumo runs out to see if his cousin survived the 300 mph nosedive to the concrete (work with me here) and good lord he has. The doctor (who is in fact Muhni in a not-so-cunning disguise) tells Nagumo that Takeaki needs a blood transfusion (though after surviving a headfirst plane crash I would have thought that extensive reconstructive surgery and a skin graft would be more appropriate, but then again I’m not the son of Nazi diabolist plotting to bring about the end of humanity posing as a Doctor so what would I know?) and Nagumo agrees. Even though he knows what will happen, Nagumo still goes ahead thus proving that he is a complete retard. Akemi, who happens to have been there, says nothing which is the best thing about this so far.
Switching gears, we see a car speeding down the highway, where the bloke who’s driving is finger fucking his girlfriend while she gives him a blowjob. Behind him, he sees some headlights and naturally speeds up. He’s in for a shock though as it’s an evil demon (not Kohoki – but can you guess which kid who just had a blood transfusion from the Overfiend it actually is?), who trashes the front of the car, causes the woman to BITE HER MAN’S BOLLOCKS OFF. Not only that but the bloke’s head gets torn off, and in the aftermath of the crash, the woman is dragged away (and I bet you can guess what for? Of course, if you can't tell what happens to her I suggest you close yout web browser and KILL YOURSELF NOW).
Back to the ‘safer’ confines of the school where Nagumo mentions that “there’s lots of strange things happening lately” - like dying, coming back to life and raping a nurse then turning into a ten-penised genocide machine maybe? Never mind, as the school karate team bribes Megumi with some muffins (probably laced with Rohypnol) as some newbie is kicking their asses. Megumi challenges newbie who happens to be Takeaki (four days removed from a plane crash mind you). She gets her ass handed to her by the bloke and flashes a boob, setting back equal rights about twenty years, and acts all embarrassed and stuff.
Up on the roof Team Dork (Akemi, Nagumo and Takeaki) have some food, where Takeaki is leapt upon by That Whore Megumi. We learn that Takeaki studied karate in London (fucking why? I don’t know), and Nagumo drags Takeaki away from Megumi’s dripping snatch long enough to tell her “that life’s never been fair”. The bastard.
Team Dork are having a very nice family meal, which is actually an important plot point for later. Something weird happens to Takeaki and he starts having flashbacks to the crash. As he runs home, he catches a news story about mysterious deaths and kidnappings, where he flashes back to the scene of the crime. Could he be the killer? Could he be responsible? STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT! (but if you don’t know that it’s Takeaki doing it by now you are officially retarded). He finally makes it back to his flat where Muhnihausen is watching him, where we finally get the plot of the movie revealed to us:
“If there is a God, there must be an EVIL KING; if there is one who heals, there must be one who destroys; if there is a God of Gods, he can be defeated.”
Just your typical German mentalist
That’s the plot in a nutshell, but troubled Takeaki has yet another fucked up dream, where Muhnihausen appears, attempting to make the most out of Takeaki’s suffering, telling him that “kindness is nothing but hypocrisy in disguise, a human deception”. We the cut back into that family meal sequence where Nagumo’s parents are REALLY fucking nasty to Takeaki, going as far as to calling his parent’s selfish for dying and leaving them with the burden of looking after him.
Pussy. Whipped. Bitch.
Megumi stops the mental torture, but not before allowing Takeaki to disappear. Where to? Why the fairground where he kills a bloke then fucks his girlfriend up the ass on the big wheel. Nice.
(Bear in mind I am making none of the following up – this whole sequence lasts about twelve minutes)
The next day, Nagumo decides that the best way to cheer up Takeaki is to take him to a – get this – strip club. Is it for comedy or a device to show more tits and pussy? YOU DECIDE! Anyways Nagumo leaves Takeaki alone so he can wank off in the next booth where he is set upon by a stripper who offers him a handjob for 3000 yen. It’s an offer that Nagumo can’t refuse! Takeaki can’t “take this” when he is attacked by Megumi pretending to be a whore, not that it’s really a stretch for the green haired one. Next door, Nagumo is about to have his bishop bashed when Kuroko pops in to suck the whore’s tits. Nagumo make’s a grab for the naked imp but gets a fistful of mammary and a slap for his trouble (I’d better point out that the whore is a dead spit for Akemi).
You won't believe the amount of cunning plot devices that exist just to show boobs
Next door, Megumi is sexually assaulting poor Takeaki so badly that the window to the live sex show breaks and the two must make a hasty exit. They do this by breaking a window and running off of the ledge. Takeaki screams like a girl until Megumi uses her flying powers of doom.
I don't need to tell you what's wrong with this image
While flying about the city (I have no idea where they fucking are), she tells Takeaki about what’s happened to him and of course omits the fiery and imminent death part. Takeaki vows to fight the poisoned blood within him, and pretty much falls in love with That Slut, until our favourite three-cocked demon pops up. Kohoki throws Takeaki into the river and then kidnaps Megumi.
And here's where it gets REALLY nasty
Holding her close, we get Kohoki’s back story. One hundred years ago he wanted to fuck Megumi, but the Queen of Makai found out and banished him to hell (or Birmingham, same thing). Muhnihausen helped him escape and now he’s back to fuck (read: rape) her again. Which he does in a quite disturbing and stomach turning matter (Don’t look now, but the censors missed some quite blatant and gooey penetration which is NOT what I wanted to fucking see). Eventually Takeaki is revived by Muhnihausen and goes batshit on Kohoki, rescuing Megumi who had been absorbed by Kohoki’s stomach (don’t ask, I’m just saying what I see) and blowing up a cargo ship. Takeaki runs off, and Munhihausen laughs in a rather gay manner to end part 1. Fucking hell, I can’t review much more of this.