Urotsukidoji: The Legend Of The Overfiend - by Liam R
Chapter Two
Nagumo - Ten Penised Warrior. Now tell me what ELSE is wrong with this picture?
We kick off the second installment of this film deep in the land of Makai as bigger demon sharks eat little demon sharks, and rock penises rape rock vaginas. Yep, when you're onto a good thing why let up on the raping? We are finally introduced to Suikakajyu, who while not humping ghosts, sends his demon minions Sasuki and the Gimp to the human world to find someone that hates Nagumo the Chojin, so that Suikakjyu can finally destroy said Chojin. It's Ying and Yang, Good And Evil, Ten Penised Monster and His Evil Adversary. Sasuki and the Gimp leave, and we zip back to Myojin Nursery, sorry, University.
Akemi wanders about Nagumo and finds out that in fact the hospital wasn't destroyed by the TEN PENISED WARRIOR OF DOOM, but by a gas explosion, despite the fact there is a picture of Nagumo in his demon form on the cover of the paper she's reading. Go figure. Anyway, she finds out that he wasn't killed in the explosion or by the truck that ran him over, and so she runs away to fuck him. Yet at the back of class, a kid called Niki moans that Akemi is too good for Nagumo and tries to ask Akemi on a date. Akemi of courses ignores poor Niki before finally running up to Nagumo who is wearing the GAYEST OUTFIT EVER! Seriously, it's a green and yellow Village People sailor job, and Niki is preyed on by the school sluts who promise to show him a good time. One of the sluts wears a nice beret.
The very definition of a pussy. Come on Niki, it's a girl - kick the ever-living FUCK out of her you dumb cunt
Amano demands that Nagumo go with him to the realm of the Jyujinkai, which involves flying. Amano puts the moves on Akemi, while Kuroko the wanking imp carries Nagumo in one of the funnier visuals in the movie. Akemi declares that the realm of Jyujinkai is no less than beautiful (actually it was either her or That Slut Megumi but the following applies anyway) making her an even bigger idiot. Amano recites the old legend about the merging of the three worlds, three thousand years and all that crap before telling Nagumo that he is the Chojin, to which Akemi replies: "No way, there's no such thing!" despite that fact that she has in the last twenty four hours been raped by a demon, seen her boyfriend die, get resurrected, turn into the TEN PENISED WARRIOR OF DOOM! and flown to another dimension. Akemi is now the intellectual equivalent of a lobotomised amoeba. Bitch.
Back in the real world, Niki is forced to eat the foot of the Beret girl, but he swears violent revenge. Sasuki and the Gimp (now there's an idea for a spin off) make like evil and kill all ten girls in short order. Niki is the given the greatest choice ever: "Chop you own penis off and replace it with this demonic one and kill two people to give yourself evil powers or DIE!" He takes the dildo and we're wondering who was going to remove all those dead bodies from the equipment closet. Niki goes home and gets beaten up by his dad while his mother just laughs at the pathetic runt of a son she has. His dad then either beats Niki up or anally rapes him (I'm not sure if he does rape him or if he raped him vaginally because Niki is obviously a girl). So late that night, with his arse properly raped, he chops his own dick off.
Back in the realm of the Jyujinkai Amano takes Nagumo and his idiotic bimbo of a girlfriend to see the Old Master who does this neat trick of finding out what Nagumo is, and he finds out that Nagumo is EVIL! Shit even the biggest retard in the universe could have told him that. He also throws them back to Earth just to see Niki beat the shit out of some generic evil people called The Dragon Gang. After damn near killing the leader of the gang (who also has a very gay voice) Niki tries to steal Akemi, but Nagumo's evil spirit tells Niki to fuck right off. Niki, a bit miffed obviously, takes three whores back to a video store, where he gives them a good fucking. (In the original version, Niki's penis killed all three girls).
Down in the subway system Sasuki runs away from an unknown force who turns out to be Amano. Amano demands to know the truth about Niki, but Sasuki just lets his eyeballs pop out. Amano sees the eyeball popping as a slap in the face and kills Sasuki, but then feels an evil presence who happens to be SUIKAKAJYU! And now I present an alternate history lesson: Back in 1923 Tokyo was destroyed by a huge earthquake. FACT. What actually happened was Suikakajyu conjured up the energy (by raping a girl, obviously) to release Mao-O, the demon of the oceans to destroy Tokyo and therefore the Chojin. Amano got so pissed off with this that he blew half of Suikakajyu's face off. And that is what really happened.
In school, we were going to re-dub the film using our own voices. This was my character. I'm going to hell.
Amano and Suikakajyu get into fight after Suikakajyu makes a joke about the even gayer outfit Amano was wearing in 1923 and we have a super-duper demon battle. Suikakajyu doesn't like his current suit, trilby and trenchcoat look so changes into a slightly gay samurai outfit, replete with hair tied back into a ponytail nun-style. They start flirting/fighting and we have to cut back to Nagumo's flat where we are informed that his parents are at a funeral. Nice! So Nagumo gives Akemi some oral loving while That Slut Megumi and That Pervert Kuroko watch and start wanking. Nagumo suggests some 69 action and as Akemi goes to eat Nagumo's dick, he prematurely ejaculates on her face which for some reason is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. Jesus, I could watch that all fucking day. Anyway, Nagumo's embarrassment doesn't last long as Niki flies in and kidnaps Akemi. While standing across the street from Nagumo, Niki eats Nagumo's sperm which causes Niki's new monster penis to get massive and even freaks out the dirty pervert Nagumo (though if someone flew into my bedroom, kidnapped my girlfriend and then grew a ten foot long cock after eating my sperm, I have no idea how I’d fucking react). Niki tells him to "Meet Me at the Warehouse at Ten PM. Be There. Asshole."
Back to Amano and Suikakjyu who are busy destroying the city and Suikakajyu says that he'll destroy the Chojin because he likes the worlds the way they are. Amano then stabs him to death and Suikakjyu is dead, but one of his horns falls to earth. This is important plot point (i.e. excuse for rape) so remember it for later. Back at the factory, Niki tries to hump Akemi, but he's interrupted by a very pissed off Nagumo. Akemi attempts to stop Niki, but he instead starts to play with her nether regions (complete with horrifyingly squelchy sound effects) giving us this quote:
"Nagumo, welcome. Akemi has a great body. Nice pussy too. Much too good for you."
Niki then unleashes his master plan as Nagumo gets splatted by about fifty iron girders, making him dead & tagged by the toes. Niki tells Akemi to play with herself, and is about to fuck (or rape, I don't think it really matters now) her when Nagumo's congealed blood comes to life and starts to strangle him, and breaks his arm. A slight demon fight breaks out and Nagumo ends up tearing out Niki's insides while both are in their demon forms – DUD! Nagumo runs away when he realises what he's done, while Akemi is told by That Heartless Slut Megumi that Niki must have really loved her as he is holding one of her key rings. She then runs after Nagumo I presume to forgive him for killing Niki. Don't know about anyone else, but this whole sequence was just really fucking creepy for reasons which are more than likely obvious to most people.