Urotsukidoji: The Legend Of The Overfiend - by Liam R
Chapter One
"Mankind, you are an ignorant race. How foolish it is to believe that your kind rules the Earth. Know now that you are not alone. There are unseen worlds which run parallel to yours. These are the worlds of the Makai, a race of demons and the Jyujinkai, those who are half-human, half-beast. There is an ancient legend, a prophecy, foretelling the appearance of a superbeing every three thousand years. He is called the Chojin, a God above all Gods - the Overfiend. The Chojin will appear in the body of a human, and with his great power, will unite the three worlds. He will create a world of peace and harmony. His time has now come! Humans, the truth shall now be revealed!"
Now that's a beautiful way to open a movie. Just imagine that speech being given by a man with a scary voice and flames dancing in the background, it just creates a feeling of dread, and as the flames fade to a scene of what looks like volcanic eruptions we get right into the wanton rape with no less than TWELVE separate demon rapes going on in one minute. Think about that for a second... TWELVE FUCKING RAPES! Well eventually one of the demons doing the raping gets killed and the demon that offed him goes all slushy and wonders where Amano Juaku has been for the last three hundred years, and that maybe the Chojin is coming. Now that is an intro, bear in mind that the speech and raping all takes place within three minutes. What an intro.
Now the scene sets itself in Myojin University (it was actually Myojin High School in Japan but that would make the rest of this film even more wrong) and high school jock and 'Most Popular Guy In School' Ozaki is driving the lane and scoring the most stupid baskets ever seen in cartoons (including Space Jam) while a sinister character with whiskers mutter something about Ozaki being 'The One'. In an equipment storeroom which backs into the girls changing room by the way, our hero Nagumo is doing what all heroes do in this particular situation. HE WANKS OFF TO THE CHANGING GIRLS! Of course no cheerleader wank-off would be complete without Nagumo's object of a thousand wet dreams and 'The Most Popular Girl In School' waltzing in and giving us the first of our gratuitous panty shots of the film, which of course makes Nagumo beat his meat harder and therefore cum. The girls get suspicious so Nagumo escapes and falls into a cage of balls.
Sinister whisker boy laughs that Nagumo could never be 'The One' while Nagumo wanks off again (such stamina, he must have a cock of Iron) while Akemi does her gynastics routine complete with gratuitous close up of Akemi's snatch. Ozaki stooges on Nagumo and absolutely beans him with a b-ball. But just to rub it in a bit more, he takes the piss out of Nagumo's trouser tent and licks the blood off a cut on Nagumo's face. That's creepy for too many reasons and we're only seven minutes in. Jesus I need a proper drink. Nagumo runs off and contemplates stuff, but the overall wrongness factor is about to get sky high with the next sequence which pretty much defines the whole film.
It's not like this is a shock to anyone now is it?
Now you have to understand that I am not making a single word of this up. I'll repeat it just so you know that I AM NOT MAKING A FUCKING WORD OF THIS UP. So here we go: Miss Togami decides to hit on Akemi, but Akemi is having none of it until Togami tries to kiss Akemi, who's leotard magically rips off! Now alarm bells would be ringing in my head if a teacher who was trying to seduce me magically ripped off my clothes, but no matter, as Togami starts to fingerly abuse Akemi. While this is going on, Nagumo is having a wank! The man must have a penis made of fucking steel! Sinister Whisker Dude is finally named as Amano Juaku, and he shoves Nagumo out of the way and starts watching the teacher getting it on Lesbian-style. Amano though sees Miss Togami somehow sprinkle glitter on Akemi's you-know-what and immediately realises that the teacher isn't what she seems. Togami's voice goes all deep, and a mysterious wind blows through her room, and at that exact split second looks like a German chick I fucked back in the day. Guess what, it gets worse from here on.
I doubt this is a shock either. Can you guess where that's going?
Miss Togami's mouth rips and a tentacle escapes with an eyeball. And the tentacle proceeds to violate Akemi. But one tentacle isn't enough, so Togami's chest is ripped apart as yet more tentacles join the party. It's a demon tentacle rape party and everyone's invited. The second set of tentacles spread Akemi wide (oh this is just horrible) while eye-tentacle does its slippery thing. Nagumo, realising he might get sloppy seconds, tries to jump in but Amano talks him out of it, but the Togami demon blows the door open and knocks Nagumo out, which in turn leads to this, the Greatest Dialogue Exchange In Animated History:
"Yum, a virgin, what a special treat!" - Demon
"Looking for cheap thrills asshole?" - Amano
"Little prick with a big mouth eh?" - Demon
"You fucking Makai are all the same, one little sniff of pussy and you lose it haha!" - Amano
Now isn't that fucking deep kids? Well, the Togami demon drops Akemi like she's got crabs or something and we get a fight scene in which Amano has his arm bitten off by the Togami demon and yet it doesn't stop him. The Togami demon gets blown away in 0:30 in a total squash. DUD! Amano goes outside to contemplate his future when his pet imp, Kuroko and his slut of a sister whom from now on shall be called That Slut Megumi or His Slut Sister. You'll see why later. Meanwhile Nagumo and Akemi finally come round and Akemi is convinced that Nagumo is the one who saved her from the tentacle rape. HOW WRONG YOU ARE, YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT! And that's directed at Akemi not the readers. So they are officially an item, even though Nagumo was having a wank will she was getting raped. Gotta love the Japanese!
Amano: hero to millions, thought you have to wonder why no-one noticed that he had whiskers
Later on that evening Amano and His Slut Sister sit atop of Osaka Baseball Stadium (at least I think this is set in Osaka even if the second is set in Osaka, Yokohama and Shinjuku) decide to have a bet while I wonder how the hell the animators got away with the most blatant camel toe in the history of animation. It really does set Megumi up as the wide pussied whore. Anyway the bet is as to who is the Chojin: The stud jockey Ozaki or the wanking geek Nagumo? We will find out soon, so they slip off to their respective bets. Amano stays and watches the Osaka Tentacle Rapers play ball so he sends Kuroko to watch Ozaki, and Kuroko starts wanking when he sees that Ozaki has three hot high school bitches in his room and that high school hero Ozaki is also drinking. Kuroko even calls Ozaki a "fucking pervert", excuse me Mr Imp Having A Wank While Watching Through The Window, but you're both fucking perverts.
Speaking of perverts, Nagumo takes Akemi out to the docks and park to try and cheer her up after her tentacle rape. Nagumo makes an age-old joke by shoving two ice cream cones in his mouth and pretending to be a demon. Surprisingly, this doesn't cheer Akemi up, so he convinces her that it was all a bad dream and while sitting on a bench in the park he bares his soul and confesses his undying love for Akemi, which in turn makes her forget about the demon that raped her three hours ago. Of course.
This image is actually par for the course for the film
Meanwhile, back at Ozaki's pad he starts having a consensual orgy with the three bitches. FINALLY, CONSENSUAL SEX! Unfortunately, his penis starts glowing and in fact the glow is so strong that it kills the bitches. Should get that seen too son! One of the bitches is in fact not dead and vomits up her own entrails which turn into the Big Bellied Demon. Ozaki sensibly runs away like a little bitch but gets tripped up by another corpse, who turns into Two-Faced Demon. Ozaki runs onto the roof like the dumbass he is but he never makes it as Two-Face cuts open his shoulder and Big Belly eats him.
Fear not mere mortals as Ozaki turns into The Wolfman and finishes off Big Belly (by ripping it open) and Two Face in short order. Another two demons are dispatched so Amano moves in to challenge this apparent Chojin by trying to electrocute him. Ozaki the Wolfman resists for a while but slowly rots down to human form. Ozaki has just two seconds as a human as he spontaneously combusts. Amano wants to cry as he knows that Megumi might have actually won (and the prize would probably involve some form of incestuous tentacle fucking) and when Kuroko reminds Amano that Ozaki must have got blood or sperm (obviously) from Chojin, he remembers the blood licking incident from the gym and immediately tries to find His Slut Sister.
Speaking of sluts, That Slut Megumi is watching Nagumo and Akemi talking when a panty-sniffer letches up behind her, but he is dispatched with a thigh-length boot to the head. So That Slut Megumi moves further into the bushes where Nagumo and Akemi and getting it on (three hours removed from the tentacle raping, mind) and she immediately tries to fuck Nagumo which gives us yet another classic piece of dialogue:
"Ooh let me see that big Chojin dick, ooh baby, I've waited so long for a good fuck!" - That Slut Megumi
Nagumo can't choose between the Idiot or That Slut, so he runs away. Into a main road. And dies. That would have been tragic if Nagumo wasn't such a fucking perverted twat. Anyway, Nagumo is declared clinically dead, and a mortuary assistant fills out the paperwork. After dropping her pencil, Nagumo comes back to life and decides to, wait for it, you guessed it: DEAD NAGUMO RAPES HER SILLY! (thankfully, the "delicious pussy" line and forced fellation were removed. Got to love the BBFC for protecting the innocent among us) Unfortunately, Nagumo's penis is so powerful, his orgasm makes the nurses explode in a blaze of entrails, but Nagumo has become some sort of demon, a demon with TEN PENISES! The penises start terrorising the hospital to the degree that almost a thousand people get killed. Amano having saved His Slut Sister from being absorbed into one of the PENISES laughs that he's finally found the Chojin. I'm amazed that this film is only thirty five minutes old. Only an hour and ten minutes to go.