Two reviews for the price of one - by Liam R and Claire
The wonderful thing about having someone other than myself who is able to type words, construct sentences and stick to deadlines (Joey, Mr Pope, I is talking to you) is that I can afford to slack off and do no work aside from making everything look pretty. Unfortunately, seeing as I don’t want to be seen as a slacker I have to keep writing and thus you lucky idiots get this. One is a proper review of (what I’ve heard, I’m a lazy fucker) a very good movie, the other is of a computer game. And you can probably guess which person has a life and which one doesn’t can’t you? Anyway, enough babbling, more reviewing!
The Departed – by Claire
Starring: Jack Nicholson, Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Wahlberg, Alec Baldwin, Martin Sheen, Ray Winstone and Vera Famiga
Directed by Martin Scorsese
Now I’m not the biggest cinema goer in the world, many reasons, mostly because it costs too much, and I’m fucking lazy and have Sky Movies. But after a discussion with my faithful sidekick Dean the Bean, we decided we needed a night out. After much deliberating we decided to go and see "The History Boys". Now since me and the bean can’t organise a piss up in a brewery it comes as no surprise to us when we get to our local Cineworld and find the history boys is no longer showing, so we loiter, read some film mags and decide our best option is the new Scorsese offering "The Departed". I’m a little dubious, since Leonardo DiCaprio is in it, and I loathe him, but its got Jack Nicholson and Ray Winstone as well, so it cant be awful.......
"The Departed" is the story of Irish mafia boss Frank Costello (Nicholson) and two cops, Colin Sullivan (Damon) and Billy Costigan (DiCaprio). Set in Boston , it follows the two cops and their dealings with Costello. Sullivan is a selfish, arrogant bent cop, who ends up working alongside the Feds with their aim is being to bring down Costello. Costigan on the other hand, is brought in to go undercover into Costello’s gang, his bosses being Queenan (Sheen) and Dignam (Wahlberg).
If this picture was reversed, I would be whooping with glee. WHY WON'T YOU DIE JACK!!!!
Now being a girl, guns, gore and general manliness have a limited appeal to me, but from the off The Departed is clearly a cut above your average gangster film. There are plenty of plot twists, enough to keep you guessing (take note Guy Ritchie: guessing, not fucking confusing!) And the acting is Oscar nomination stuff throughout, I wont give too much plot away as I really think everyone should go and see this film, make the effort, it is really worth it.
At two and a half hours long, my arse should have been sore, I hate going to the cinema and getting arse ache. This usually only happens when the film is sub-standard and I get bored. But I could have easily sat through another hour of this! Also the unthinkable has happened, I’ve fallen head over heels in love with Leonardo DiCaprio (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! - Liam), he is totally believable as the vulnerable Costigan, he also appears to have "beefed up" somewhat for the part, and his acting is nothing short of beautiful, if he doesn’t get nominated for an Oscar I will be fucking pissed off...
So all in all, if you can stomach five men getting shot in the head in the last half hour, like abit of black humour, beautiful women (Vera Famiga - WOW! or should that be Hubba Hubba Liam?) (Hubba hubba, or hominahominahomina – Liam) then this is the film for you, honestly its worth the ticket price alone to see Mark Wahlberg’s comedy hair, the soundtrack is also pretty good, so go see it people it will be the best film you have seen in bloody ages, I promise. *****
Medieval 2: Total War – by Liam R
The humble real time strategy came has come along way since Command And Conquer first burst onto the scene in what seems like an eternity ago. While C&C was, and still is, a classic game it could be boiled down into four distinct stages: 1 – gather resources; 2 – build base; 3 – build numerically and technologically superior force; 4 – kill opposition. Now there is nothing wrong with this at all, and at the heat of RTS games this is still the model up until The Creative Assembly unleashed Shogun: Total War on an unsuspecting public five years ago. Marrying turn based map work (like Civilization) with base building (from C&C) and city improvements to gain access to superior units (Civ again) it gave the genre a shot in the arm. Then there were the battles, which made tactical use of weather and terrain to give the strategy part of the genre a much needed boost. Of course, setting it in Feudal Japan and throwing in some quality assassin animations was just the icing on the cake as I spent many, many hours playing a friends version. CA then improved upon it, throwing the game back in time to Medieval Europe and giving you more units, more factions to play and more importantly, the chance to slaughter innocent Frenchmen and Germans all for your own personal glory. A few years later, CA released Rome Total War and you may have seen the in-game engine if you ever watched BBC2’s seminal ‘Time Commanders’ show. Now I never played this as that era never really fascinated me, so now that CA have taken Rome and put it back to Medieval times, I’m there like a fly on shit.
On my command, UNLEASH HELL!
First things first is the battle engine. The fields of slaughter are gorgeous, and zooming out the game resembles its older counterpart. Zoom in and the differences are more apparent. Whereas Rome had clone armies, each solider within a until has an identical look from their clothing to their faces as they slice and dice the opposition. Another nice touch is the chance to use flaming arrows, yes FLAMING ARROWS, in battles reminiscent of that scene in Robin Hood Prince Of Thieves. Terrain and weather still play a big part in your battle plan (archers are shite in the wind and rain, everyone gets tired if the field is wet, archers on hills will kill everything that moves) as well as the paper scissors stone way of fighting battles (cavalry kills peasants, spears kill cavalry, swords kill spears) but one thing I have noticed is that the infamous ‘loop your cavalry round the side or rear of an enemy and charge the fuck out of them’ tactic doesn’t seem to work on anything but peasants. It may be a minor quibble and it is, but a unit of spearman charged by cavalry in their rear wouldn’t just turn around and start spearing the horses (this is so filthy!) but run for their fucking lives. But it looks gorgeous (especially on my beast of a machine), sounds great and is just a lot of fun.
The table-top turn-based map however, well, I don’t like it. Whereas in earlier versions of the game armies and diplomatic units (or spies or assassins) were represented RISK style, here they are all fully animated which I hate. Also the old-style map which looked like one out of a history textbook has been replaced with a vaguely geographically correct one. Again, I hate it. Another thing I don’t like is that the farming improvements (which are desparately needed to work out how much money you can tax from your populace) are bloody confusing. In the first version of the game, it showed how much money you would bring in and now it, well, doesn’t. Another even more annoying thing is that you can only control which buildings are built yourself by having a general present in the city, and most normal buildings don’t automatically produce generals. There also aren’t the title deeds which you could dish out in the first game to financially astute governors to boost your income. Again, I haven’t played the game nearly enough to get to know the subtle nuances of it and maybe I am pining for the ease of use of the first game, but it all feels so alien.
Hooliganism, Medieval style
So if you’ve got the time to persevere (the tutorials are great) then a great game is probably waiting for you. The battles look great, if a little tactically wonky, but the campaign map is just so damn confusing it could terrify newcomers. I’m willing to give it the benefit of the doubt though. ***