Hello and welcome to Straw Donkeys – and if the ‘soapy tit wank’ search engine thing is working yet, then we’re sorry to disappoint you: it just seemed that a good way of getting hits would be to somehow associate the site with the kind of thing most people are going to be looking for. Anyway, this is the home of Liam R, Joey Sarajevo and whichever other idiotic little monkeys have decided to join our merry band of contributors.
If you want to know what we’re all about, then it might be an idea to either READ THE ARTICLES (duh) or check out the links – but suffice to say that yes, this is more of the frustrated pop-culture journalism that has already clogged up far too much of your employer’s time already. Only with more swearing and some personal details about our lives that on reflection no-one really needs to know.
As to the name, well, we’re not sure. It’s definitely nothing to do with Carter USM’s Greatest Hits album (although Worry Bomb was a favourite of both Liam and Joey’s way back when they first met). Liam can’t remember why he picked it, other than it was available; Joey has a suspicion that he can fashion an intellectual-sounding explanation from the Chinese proverb ‘men are as straw dogs in the hands of the gods’ to do with humanity being not the playthings of divine powers but rather a constant and embarrassing reminder to them of a week on sangria in the Balearics – but then Joey LITERALLY has a Master’s Degree in talking bollocks.
Like what you see? No? Then do something about it and contribute an article. We won't pay you (Joey had to buy fags by counting 1 and 2p coins onto the counter of the off licence again this morning – no mean feat when the bastard tax has gone up again – and Liam’s still drained by repeated encounters with the financial vampire that is Reading Travelodge) (erm, I've been single for eight months now Joey you dumbass - Liam R)and we can’t guarantee anyone will read you, but:
a) we figured that since we’re frustrated enough to dedicate our free time to writing this shit it’s likely someone else will be too, and
b) we’re both too lazy to sustain the site by our own efforts
As to what we’re after, well, the section titles (and contents) should make it fairly obvious. Key words to bear in mind are ‘short’, ‘punchy’ and ‘funny’ – no-one wants a reprise of Joey’s interminably dull article on the UK TransFormers comic that marred the final days of our prior incarnation. Note also that we have an as-yet-unused Sports section – primarily we want stuff that relates to Liam’s Yank-centric tastes (i.e gridiron, ice hockey, baseball) but anything on the mighty Brazil of the Ryman League (i.e. Slough Town) is also good.
Send us a picture and some biographical details and we might even give you a nice little credit like these…
Name: Liam 'No Crappy Nickname Required But Twat Boy Will Do' R
Age: 26 (ish)
Job: Designer, columnist, the bloke who buys the smokes
Why is he here: Well with all the great websites out there (check the links) I thought I'd do one worse and with my own perculiar (i.e. crap) styling. Oh and lots of swearing.
Contact him: here
Name: Joey Sarajevo
Age: Past It (?)
Job: Chief columnist
Why is he here: Having started off on the very first incarnation of Straw Donkeys with the intention of writing a fortnightly column to add to his formidable portfolio of sub-Onion journalism on DeadBrain Joey swiftly went off the rails and turned in about four decent pieces before descending into a pointless twilit existence of red wine hangovers and wasted opportunities. He is now a somewhat reformed character attempting to stimulate his remaining alcohol-ravaged braincells by sneering at the Top Ten and generally bitching about whatever takes his fancy. Nice hat, isn’t it? .
Contact him: here
Age: I really don't want to ask
Job: Bastion of political correctness
Why is he here: After escaping from an undisclosed location, he decided to unleash his own unique talents on a nothing pop culture website. And also I fear for my anus when he's around, but that's not unusal for me anyway
Contact him: here
Name: Admin
Age: it's rude to ask a semi-clothed lady her age you know...
Job: admin, possible lawyer
Hang on, aren't you Liam as well: Yes, yes I am but there are two distinct Liam R's. One the writer who will call you a mothercunting cuntfaced cuntlicker if provoked and me, the more sensible rational side. If anyone has any complaints, they should be sent to me
Contact him: here
