The Hit Parade Issue Number Four - by Joey Sarajevo
Although the real meat of our Reading Festival coverage is due next week (once me, Liam and Dr. Pope have managed to piece together a coherent account of what happened to us whilst we were there), it struck me as a bit daft that I was contemplating writing the latest edition of Straw Donkeys weekly music column without at least mentioning that I’d spent the Bank Holiday Weekend baking in a Berkshire field off my tits on rum (well, mostly rum) listening to bands. Once I’d realised that, I figured I might as well get the coverage started early - and since the first column wondered what the charts said about the state of the current music scene, it seemed natural to wonder what conclusions we could draw from this year’s line-up.
At first glance, you could be forgiven for thinking there were grounds for pessimism – of the three main stage headliners, none were exactly what you’d call fresh young talent and only one were British. More to the point, the Pixies (who played Friday night) are no longer a going concern in terms of new material and – with respect to their impressive live showings – both the Foo Fighters and Iron Maiden (Saturday and Sunday) are pretty much spent forces creatively. And before you start, yes, I know Dave Grohl is a lovely man and outstanding drummer who has written some killer tunes – but when was the last time you weren’t underwhelmed by a new Foo’s album? It was 1997, and you know it.
Now of course, there are a couple of very good reasons for choosing old stagers like these to headline rock festivals, the most important being that very few bands get enough practice at playing to such large crowds to ever get much good at it. Anyone who saw a clearly out-of-their-depth Bloc Party rush nervily through the Sunday night headline slot at the Radio One stage will be able to tell you how being able to cut it in the clubs doesn’t always translate easily to an arena-sized audience. Not that this is always the case, mind; and fortunately there was plenty to suggest that some of the younger acts were ready for the step up.
The Killers and Razorlight caught the eye in particular, with both hitting on the three key elements of any successful festival show. The first is to have plenty of tracks with nice simple choruses that sound really good with a few thousand people singing along to them and a couple of quiet bits where everyone can piss off the drummer by clapping at the wrong speed. The second is to toughen up your sound a bit, with the Killers muscular keyboards losing out on this one to Razorlight’s full gospel choir (rule number one: choirs FUCKING ROCK). The third – and this is the trickiest – is to have a frontman who really, truly believes he is a polysexual rock’n’roll messiah leading his flock to a promised land of milk and jism. This works particularly well if said frontman is actually a bit odd looking, a criteria amply fulfilled by both Johnny Borrell and Brandon Flowers.
But beyond that, the best thing about Reading this year was the strength in depth of the lineup and the general feel that, well, things were alright with the world of music fandom. One sign of this was just how unpredictable everyone’s tastes had become – the kids singing Oasis songs with me and Liam on Friday night (erm, I may have been smashed out of my skull but that was Thursday night – Liam R) were as enthused about ver Maiden as they were the Killers and GLC. Tribalism can be fun, but my least favourite Readings have been the ones were the crowd divide themselves into parochial little clusters, their minds closed to anything different from their blandly uniform CD collections – the “get yer tits out” chanting at PJ Harvey a couple of years back being an example that springs to mind.
Speaking of diversity, the Top Ten’s actually looking a bit healthier than in recent weeks, and here’s the official Straw Donkeys line on it:
10. The White Stripes: My Doorbell - As is traditional with me and White Stripes songs, I started off finding this really annoying, then found myself humming it, and now quite like it. Which means, er… If you disagree, give it time?
9. Kaiser Chiefs: I Predict A Riot/Sink That Ship - You know what pisses me off about the Kaiser Chiefs? People thinking their name is World War One Germany-inspired (like Franz Ferdinand) when in fact it’s the name of an African football team (like the rather more obscure Hearts of Oak). Glad I got that off my chest. The single’s ok.
8. McFly: I’ll Be OK - I’m not sure which I find more endearing – this breezy, Beatles-y summer stomp, or the fact that one of McFly reminds me of the ‘handicapable’ kid in South Park . Bless ‘em.
7. Girls Aloud: Long Hot Summer - Not their best – but still the UKs best pop act by some considerable distance. And their photoshoots keep Liam R away from real women, which has to be a good thing.
6. Black Eyed Peas: Don’t Lie - Ok then: this is fucking dreadful. And what’s with filling all the choruses with “No, no, no, no”s these days? Can (and have) done much better.
5. James Blunt: You’re Beautiful - I’ve sort of changed my opinion abut this. Not that I think it’s any good, mind – it’s just that it occurred to me that getting to Number One with a song about your ex-girlfriend would fuck up her life forever by poisoning any future boyfriend’s mind with jealousy. Which is cool.
4. Simon Webbe: Lay Your Hands - Not as bad as the other Blue guys’ solo stuff, although only in the sense that passing out from the pain whilst having your balls sliced off with a ginsu knife wouldn’t be as bad as remaining conscious right through.
3. Daniel Powter: Bad Day - Sub-James Blunt. Now there’s a term that has no place in any sane world.
2. Rhianna: Pon De Replay - Well that’s playing havoc with Microsoft’s automatic grammar checking; which kinda endears me to this song, even if it’s not really much cop.
1. Oasis: The Importance of Being Idle - I watched that Britpop documentary the other day, and was shocked to discover just how good 'Some Might Say' is. You know why? It’s because everything they’ve done since has been shit.(I would disagree because that was the first single off that album, so everything after the album this single was taken from has been shit would be more apt - Liam R)