Most Haunted Goes To Sea - by Liam R
The storm was raging outside my window, as I prepared to go out for a night on the tiles. However, I had made a promise to myself to review the latest episode of Most Haunted. I was caught in a bind, and needed someone to help me out when it hit me. There was one group I could rely upon to deliver the goods. One group who could cut through all the bullshit surrounding the programme and deliver an honest, open and unbiased review of the show. Unfortunately, they weren’t in so I had to go to Plan B…
Liam: Hotspot, I’ve got a mission for you and the boys.
Hotspot: Really?
Liam: Yes I do. Speaking of which where are your buddies?
Hotspot: You should know.
Liam: I should?
Hotspot: Yes and we’ve seen what you do at night, touching yourself in adult places.
Liam: …
Hotspot: Damn skippy you filthy pervert. And what you watch as well leaves something to be desired.
Liam: Okay, okay, enough with the porn.
Hotspot: THAT’S WHAT YOU CALL PORN????
Liam: Forget it, I’ll give it to the Constructicons.
Hotspot: No, we’ll take it. It’s okay boys, he’s leaving us alone for the night and we have a mission. Groove?
Groove: Evening boss.
Hotspot: First Aid?
First Aid: I am not a poor man’s Ratchet. I am my own robot.
Hotspot: Shut up. Streetwise?
Streetwise: Word to your mother.
Hotspot: Blades.
Blades: What did that moron just say?
Streetwise: Word to your mother.
Blades: Thought so.
Hotspot: Right we’re here. What have you got in mind?
Liam: You my little robotic chums…
Streetwise: Who you calling little motherfucker?
Liam: For the record I have not slept with anyone who has given birth. One looked like she has, but that’s neither here nor there. Anyway, I need you to watch an episode of Most Haunted for me.
Blades: You what?
Liam: Most Haunted. TV programme. Massively entertaining.
First Aid: You do realise that that programme is where Streetwise learned to say all the rude words.
Streetwise: That’s not fucking true.
Hotspot: Streetwise!
Streetwise: I can’t fucking help it!
Liam: Listen. I’m going out tonight to fail with the ladies so I need you to watch it and talk about it. I’ll leave a tape running, you talk, I’ll transcribe and we’ll have the funniest article EVAH!
Groove: Mad as a loon.
Liam: I heard that Groove.
Groove: That was the fucking point.
Liam: I give up. Hotspot, can you handle this?
Hotspot: Sure. We’ll give it a crack.
Liam: Right, I’m off to fail with the ladies. I’ll be back later.