Joey Sarajevo Is A Fucking Liar - by Joey Sarajevo
So this is Christmas, and what have you done? Fuck knows, I’m neither psychic nor Santa Claus. Nor do I care. On the other hand, I know what I’ve done, and its write things like this:
“…but since I’m committed to one piece every two weeks (on top of The Hit Parade when I’m doing it and possibly a couple of other regular features currently in the pipeline) I’m going to have to come up with something…” (from Joey Sarajevo Rides Again )
“Anyway, see ya in fourteen with a proper column.” (from Joey Sarajevo Has Nothing To Write About)
“Laters potatas.” (from A Bad Day For The Faithful)
And besides these outrageous falsehoods? Fuck all, really; even the Hit Parades have dried up of late. Which isn’t to say I haven’t been busy – I’ve accomplished a hell of lot in my ‘other’ life, most importantly scrabbling back something approaching a future after eighteen months of booze-sodden fuckwittery, what with a job, studies (including an invitation to write a piece for an actual academic journal) and learning how to enjoy alcohol without getting so pissed I’ll end up dead by thirty-two (I checked on the Irish Health Service’s frankly terrifying booze calculator – I couldn’t find it on Google (maybe Guinness put a stop to it?) but here’s the British equivalent).
But in this life? Well not so much – although I should point out in my defence:
1) I’m a lot more pleased with my earlier columns than I was when I wrote them, and especially with the Hit Parade, which for my money has been the best idea I’ve come up with since my very first column (Standing Up For the Wanker, which I may rehash in the New Year - it really was pretty great).
2) Turning your life around does actually take up quite a lot of time and effort.
3) Liam’s done a great job whilst I’ve been away – and it IS his site, after all (w00t w00t - Liam).
So, what next for your intrepid correspondent? Well, I’m trying to persuade Liam to knock my personal section on the head, chiefly because I think this kind of thing would work better as occasional pieces in the ‘Stuff’ section – but it’s his call, and since one of my New Year’s Resolutions is to make this a more regular gig, maybe it won’t come to that. What else?
Shit, I’m missing The Simpsons. Back in a mo.
Woo! It was the one where Bart and Lisa are on opposing hockey teams. Talk about heart warming. Now where was I?
Oh yeah…
Other resolutions of mine include a new Hit Parade-esque regular feature for the site (you’ll get the first taste with the Christmas/New Year update), and finally (FINALLY) forming a band with Mr. Gavin Bunn and DJ Bad Mike (we’ll have better names by then, I swear), the progress of which I’ll keep you updated on with a (hopefully monthly) piece should Liam ok it.
Other than that, not much to add, although hopefully the by-now obligatory scantily-clad lady will be taken as a given.
Out with the old, in with the new, as they say.
Postscript
I’ve just discovered that WinAce, founder of the brilliant (and sometimes scary) Fundies Say The Darndest Things (linked to near the end of this) died earlier this year. I never met or even conversed with the guy – aside from leaving a few lame posts on his forum and messageboard – but I’m saddened by the news nevertheless. Pissing your own life away like I was is one thing, being robbed of it by disease quite another. I’ll leave those who actually knew him to say just what kind of loss it was to the wider world, but as far as the ‘net goes, we could all do with a few more acute, humane sceptics like him – a great reminder to those of us who reflexively slag off Americans that the US also happens to be full of intelligent human beings who give up their time to educate and entertain their peers out of nothing more (so far as I can tell) than a laudable sense of common decency. Rest in peace, fella.
And one final thing…
… for those of you who were with me for LCD Soundsystem at Reading . Ironically enough, the very same day Liam was describing me as ‘a seducer of women’, I finally said something to her and guess what? She “doesn’t think about me that way”. So that’s A Pair of Brown Eyes off my top twenty Pogues songs for the Christmas edition then. See me bitch about it more in this weeks Hit Parade.